the first time I was called an asshole

making space for ritual // week 8

a weekly anchoring practice to stay rooted in seasons of change // week

Welcome to this weeks segment of making space for ritual. As I set out to make space for our Intuitively Wild home IRL (SIGN UP FOR THE WAITLIST HERE!) I am committing myself to staying present, intentional, and soft.

Devoting ourselves to a life of spaciousness amidst a huge life change and the chaos of a crazy world takes daily commitment and remembering. So here we are - showing up and making the space for that intention, together. (Make sure to check out the other posts in the series for context and depth: announcement post. week 1, week 2, week 3, week 4, week 5, week 6, week 7

This week: in the space - progress was made, furniture got delivered and the millworker made some (much needed and appreciated) mess (next week I’ll share more space updates, I promise). Theo and I settled for a quick trip to NYC over Florence, someone called me an asshole, we escaped to a Teahouse floating over the city, and I spent the majority of my days watching the sunrise, set and shine in Central Park while working, connecting and reflecting.

I started out the week feeling restless and a little reckless. Quite the contrast to how I felt energetically and physically last week, this week I felt energy restored and rushing through me, begging to be released. So I tuned into my intuition and pivoted some plans for the end of the week (hence the NYC trip).

This led to experiences that strengthened trust and reignited a spark, and swiftly met by more experiences that doubled up on fueling doubt and renewed anxiety.

Such is this season of life I guess?

Documenting it all feels like sand slipping through my fingers, constantly trying to keep up and share each unique grain.

This is me trying.

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HOW I MADE SPACE

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—> LESSONS LEARNED

Last weekend I woke up with the burning need to travel.

The onset was sudden and specific, as it often is.

I’m familiar with these cravings. In the past they have been more all consuming and life changing - the knowing that it’s time to pick up my life and move, and to somewhere seemingly random and inconvenient. My intuition screaming, saying - go here, now. Of course, when the call is big and life changing, I sit with it and process. When the need lingers and loudens, I’ve always done whatever I needed to do to follow the call.

The burning need that arose last weekend was specifically around Italy (not a new or surprising one, honestly).

The thing is, though, my life is different now. I’ve oriented my life and lifestyle in a different way than before. Traveling is no longer the priority nor is it an option I can as freely entertain, if I want to maintain the goals and direction I’ve shifted towards.

I’ve put down roots now. I’m not only prioritising in person connection, community and collaboration -I’m literally opening a physical business for it. I’m giving up some of my previous freedom to travel and wander on demand (cue overthinking and mental spiral that I mentioned last week) to go deep with where I am at. To not only stay rooted but to root down as deep as possible, and do what I can to avoid been uprooted.

I had to sit myself down and process what was coming up. The grief, the frustration, the doubt, regret, fear… and finally come back to a place of clarity and steadfastness. This is the choice I chose, and I trust my choices.

I still felt this overwhelming need for an adventure, though. The empty ache in my belly, the pounding in my chest and itching in my feet refused to be ignored. So I got creative. The next best available option? New York City. I am so grateful to have easy access to NYC, now living about two hours away, and to have a place to stay thanks to family there.

So, I promptly shifted my schedule as needed, packed a weekend bag, and come Thursday ushered Theo into the car to make the trek.

Arriving in the city I immediately felt a sigh of relief. Which is really saying something - I am a farm, forest, nature girl through and through (and come Sunday I was more than ready to return to our mountain home). Usually, a trip to the city for me is exhausting, anxiety provoking, energy zapping - this weekend, it felt like it resparked something within me. It was a reminder and trust builder in the knowing that, I can and need to trust my intuition. When the voice speaks, I answer. In whatever capacity I can. Even when it doesn’t logically make sense or adhere to who I thought I was or what I thought I might need.

For this weekend I was exactly where I needed to be.

I learned - even though my life priorities and orientation has shifted dramatically, I am not giving up my freedom or spaciousness. I am merely creating space for a new chapter. I am merely choosing a choice that will eventually lead me to a life of more freedom than I could even have imagined in the past. I am merely trusting a new way of showing up in the world.

—> CHALLENGES NAVIGATED

From the hours of 6am-9am dogs are allowed to be off leash in Central Park (also from 9pm-1am but it is highly likely you will never meet us there then). This is our favourite time. Walking around Central Park with Theo prancing freely along beside me always makes me feel like I’m walking through a storybook. Especially in the winter, when almost no one is in the park at sunrise and we can wander for almost our whole walk barely seeing anyone. In the summer, though, it’s busier.

Walking Theo (any dog, really) off leash always holds a little bit of a risk. He’s honestly pretty perfect 95% of the time but just like any dog he has his moments. The real issue we’ve come up against, though, is Theo’s initiatory growl he let’s out when he sees a dog he’s extra excited to play with. He comes in hot, running up to them with his growl before suddenly stopping when he finally approaches to greet them with softness.

Listen, I understand why the growl could seem scary. I get it, I do. I’ve learned to try to warn people in advance, when I can, and to have my apologies and explanations ready. That’s just his way of saying hi. He’s very friendly, don’t worry.

I used to live in fear of these interactions. Ultimately ruining any freedom and fun for both me and Theo. Afraid of letting Theo off the leash, always worried something might go wrong. Unable to control the uncontrollable (oh the lessons Theo has taught me about this…). The truth is - Theo is the gentlest giant you’ve ever met, and I’ve learned to restrict the urge to punish and put him on a leash just to avoid the handful of people who judge him by the growl.

So, on Friday we were on our walk. Back in Central Park after a long time away with Theo so happy and free and alive, thriving off leash. It was what I would deem a perfect walk, Theo was listening, following me, no issues at all. Until he chose the wrong dog to be excited to play with. He sprinted up to this dog with his growl before promptly floating away back to my side. I won’t go into all the story and specifics, but the owner was not happy. Although she kept walking in the opposite direction, she started screaming at me to work on my dog, that his growl wasn’t okay, etc. etc. After trying the apology and explanation route, I merely smiled at her and turned away. ASSHOLE, she called after me.

I have to say, it almost stopped me in my tracks. I’m not sure anyone’s called me an asshole before.

Honestly, this felt like an acute moment that highlighted a theme I’ve been navigating in this season of my life. —> As long as I am showing up in my life with intention and integrity - I can’t spend time thinking about how others receive or perceive me.

The more I put myself and my business out in the world, the more this fear and reality dawns on me. People are going to judge, misunderstand, reject and gossip. I can’t let that deter me.

So I’ll keep showing up, smiling, sharing my energy how I can, and shrugging the response off.

—> (SELF)APPRECIATION

I appreciate the fact that I know I’m not an asshole. No, really. A past version of myself would’ve let the interaction ruin my day with overthinking, self blaming, going over what I did wrong and worrying that the person hates me.

For the rest of my walk I sifted and sorted through the emotions and thoughts coming up. I took the time to reflect on how I handled the situation. Eventually, once I established that actually, I’m proud of how I showed up for the interaction, I forced myself to let it go. Move on. Shift focus and stay present.

Does that woman probably hate me? Maybe. Is it possible she’s sharing the story with other’s and portraying me as the villain? Yeah.

Does it matter at all? No.

The biggest impact I’m letting this leave me with is the reminder of how strongly our interactions and energy impact others. And, we get to choose how we show up in the world, and how we let the world shake us.

—> GRATITUDE FELT

I’m grateful for the people and places who do prioritise intentionality and impact. Being in NYC in general was a reminder of how even the smallest of interactions, a shrug or smile a scream or sigh, can have a ripple effect below the surface.

NYC is known to be alive with energy - this is largely because of the energy of the people. We have the power to shape the energy poured into the world. What we create, consume, how we connect, collaborate… all of it shapes and structures our world.

We hold so much power simply by walking out into the world. I’m grateful for those who choose to choose how they show up.

—> LOCAL HIGHLIGHT

Although Tea Ceremony has become one of my greatest loves, deepest teachers, and most impactful offerings, I have yet to visit many Teahouses.

Don’t worry, I have many on my list. On Friday (clearly it was a busy day) I ventured over to the West Side to check one of these Teahouses off my list. Talk about intentional impact and creation, Floating Mountain Teahouse is a calm haven and place of respite. Full to the brim with thoroughly sourced teas and teaware, it felt like a mini retreat to have someone serve me tea for once, instead of doing it myself. I spent the afternoon there writing (most of this post, actually), and doing some other work. I left feeling grateful places like Floating Mountain exist in a city (and world) of heightened energy, and even more confident in and connected to my love for tea.

If you’re a tea fan, seeking a place of safety, sanity and solace, or simply want to try something new, I highly recommend booking a reservation.

—> RITUAL

In honour of my love for tea ceremony, I want you to create one of your own. This does not need to be or look any sort of way, this is about creating a moment in your day to connect with yourself, tea, nature, your intuition.

Choose your favourite tea and find a favourite mug. Pick a spot to sit that is calling you where you can fully release and soften. Perhaps set up your space with a little more devotion to detail, romanticising and ceremoniliasing the ritual.

Stay long enough to sit with three cups of tea.

On the first cup ask yourself - how am I feeling in this moment? stay, sip, feel.

On the second cup ask yourself - how do I feel about the way I show up in the world?how do I feel about the way the world impacts me? reflect, process, integrate.

On the third cup ask yourself - what intentions and intentional actions can I set for myself in order to show up in the world in a way I am proud of? commit, plan, promise.

Finish by expressing your gratitude towards yourself, your home, your life and everything and everyone in it.

Tune into your intuition throughout this whole process, let it guide the way.

—> INTENTIONS DECLARED

I prioritise my connection to my intuition. I always (yes, always) make space to hear, trust and listen to, my intuition.

I walk through the world with intention and presence. I pay attention to the impact I am having on the world.

I show up with integrity. I stay devoted to my heart. I stay confident in my authenticity.

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poems podcasts prompts plants stories songs statements people places ponderings - pieces of life - … that grounded me this week

• the tea I got at Floating Mountain Teahouse that soothed my nervous system while providing grounded energy to sustain me

• this was the album of the week

• I am always on the hunt for a new romance film and I’m sorry but how are more people not talking about this one more?!?

• of course, Central Park was the grounding force in my life this week

• this week brought us Solar Lughnasadh, the Lion’s Gate portal and an Aquarius full moon… while life can seem crazy and chaotic, knowing what is going on energetically provides a sense of support that I am grateful for and helps me hold onto beliefs like this -

  

• I’ve been spiraling a lot about free will, how much of it we have or don’t - and I’d love to spiral with you - do you think we choose who we are? do we become who we are or do we create ourselves? I feel like this is something I’ll be processing and sharing about a lot in the future…

  

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Can’t wait to reflect and make space together next week.

See you then xx,

Rachel