return to sender
your step by step guide to re-finding your centre
There are always going to be people that try to pull you away from yourself.
Distract you from your path. Entice you with compelling words and shiny illusions. It’s your job to know how to counteract that.
It’s your job to build in the rituals in your day to day that return you to your centre.
To make space for the pockets of pauses in your life that you have in your schedule no matter what.
That allow you to refresh and reroute. Recenter, reground, remember.
Moments that shake you awake and call you back.
Find the ways to build these pockets of self connective rituals into your life and you’ll always be able to return to centre.
But there’s layers to this, right?
Here’s your step by step guide on returning to centre… so that when something shows up on your doorstep trying to drag you down the rabbit hole… - you can just imagine putting it into a mailbox and returning it to sender.
Let’s start at the beginning. First you need the clarity on what the tools are that support you.
Automatically we think - therapy, meditation, yoga, time in nature, journaling (yes, some of my favourites)… but this can look like anything. Think outside of the box. What are activities that make you feel like yourself? What are places that feel like a sigh of relief the moment you step into them? What are the sensations in your body that bring you peace?
is it painting? your morning coffee? a walk around the block? doing puzzles?
is it your yoga mat? your favourite museum? your car?
lighting your favourite candle? wrapping yourself in a soft blanket? putting your feet in the grass?
Let this be exactly what you need. It doesn’t matter what the wellness gurus or therapy experts suggest if it doesn’t actually work for you.
Get creative, experiment, try different things out, let things go… until you reach clarity.
The most important piece, though, is finding the tools that you can work into your day to day life - not just once in a while (like a vacation, a trip to the spa, a full day ceremony…) but easily, as much as you need them.
We want these rituals to seep into our bones, become the building blocks of who we are, so that they become our go to tools overriding the autopilot reactions we’ve grown used to.
Then you need the devotion to yourself to make space for them as a daily ritual.
Again, make this work for you.
Some of us are routine people, (🙋♀️) so having these pockets scheduled and structured may be the best and only way to prioritise them. Some of us thrive in spontaneity and options.
Set an alarm, get an accountability buddy, keep your tools within easy reach, write a list on your bedside table for you to wake up and choose from… whatever you need to make it happen with ease.
This is a practice of getting to know yourself, and creating your life in connection with that.
Again, the main intention being - finding a way of incorporating these tools that is actionable and impactful for you on a regular basis. We want to build these into our life foundationally. Think, 1-3 small thing 1-7 days a week.
How can you do that for yourself?
You need to continue to prioritise them through every season of life.
There are going to be moments when you don’t want to do it. When you’re overwhelmed, distracted, caught up in the chaos of life. When you're swept up in past patterns, destructive behaviours, all consuming relationships. When you’re high on celebrating life, basking in joy, flooded with gratitude. When you’re stuck in the mundane, day to day, caught up in just putting one foot in front of the other.
No matter what phase of the spiral or cycle we are in, we need these rituals rooted into our being.
I shared this note on substack recently that highlights this point:
When you have clarity on what tools serve you, and how you can fit them into your schedule, commit to them. Devote yourself to it. Set the intention and make space for it.
You need to hear how they are realigning you.
It’s not just about doing the practices, it’s about letting the practices impact you. Letting them change you. Letting them speak to you.
What messages are you hearing as you sit in your daily meditation? What ideas are you getting while you’re in your weekly pottery class? What energy are you sifting through as you visit your local thrift store?
Listen. Be open. Listen. Take it in. Listen. Let yourself be moved.
None of this matters though, if you don’t do anything about it. You need to be able to take the steps forward to listen to them.
Okay, so you’ve heard the messages, you processed the emotions, you’ve gotten the ideas. You’re having the realisations and know the actions you need to make and the steps you need to take.
Are you going to do them?
It is not only about knowing what we need to do - it is about trusting them, and being able to act on them with confidence.
You might have realised you have to break up with your boyfriend, quit your job and move across the country. Or maybe you figured out what you want for dinner, the next book you want to read, the route home you want to take. Maybe you’ve decided where you want to go on your next vacation, the project you want to say yes to, the friend you have to let go of…
- but will you do anything about it?
Will you trust yourself?
Or will you push it aside and disconnect. Will you shove it under the rug and
Sometimes, the first step is just admitting to ourselves what we have realised. The intuitive knowings we are connecting to.
Don’t put the pressure on yourself to make the changes right away, especially if it is something big, unknown, uncomfortable. You can starting by simply saying it out loud to yourself, or someone else, within the safety of knowing you are not going to act on it yet.
Then slowly, bit by bit, you might find that you can process the idea and start to take small steps forward. Or, start with smaller realisations and insights.
Build your trust with yourself. Let it take the time it needs.
Remember, the more you commit and devote yourself to this being a regular ritual, the easier this will get.
Lastly, you need to learn from the process so patterns aren’t repeated.
So you’ve completed all the steps. Now rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat… and learn from your patterns.
Observe yourself. Get to know what sets you off, what sorts you out, what sends you spiraling.
Because —— although we will always have moments where we sway off centre - our distance away from ourselves can shorten, or realignment time can be quicker, our support system can be stronger, our self devotion can be deeper.
And, make sure to find the people, places, experiences… that clear your path forward, not clutter it.
So that eventually, every aspect of your life is serving and supporting you.
You are worthy of a life that leaves you feeling connected to yourself.
