bibliomancy & an owl prophecy
how to be your own healer
I’ve been practicing the art of bibliomancy. Taking my reverence for words a stretch further. Folding my desire for answers into a sacred act of prayer. A ritual of both desperation and devotion.
I ask for a message. A prophecy.
I close my eyes.
I flip through the book and wave my hand over the page like my ring finger is a magic wand, waiting to feel the pulse of energy, the tug in my body, the knowing- this page, these words, pause here.
Other times, I let the page fall open on its own and let my finger fall to the print without hesitation.
I squint my eyes open. Slowly widening to full eyed clarity.
I read what I have received.
I wait and feel for the resonance in my body. I search for the essence and energy of other to make itself known. For the feeling of support and connection to light up my cells. The knowing that someone else has handed me answers. These rituals of guidance a desire for an all knowing compass.
Can I ever get what I’m searching for? How many of my rituals are born from a seeking of safety?
Easily my rituals and daily acts of devotion can turn into desperate attempts at relinquishing my power.
I bow my head in acknowledgment. I must make peace with the answers I have received, whether I can grasp them in my clutches with certainty or not. I must hold them lightly, with belief and self trust being the anchor. Led by collaboration, co-creation. Led by self-expansion through this connection with spirit- not a shriveling or withering away. Otherwise, it is only a relinquishing of power. A last ditch effort for control.
I refuse to make my practices and prayers and intentional rituals another loss of autonomy, another act of fear.
I choose to devote myself to magic as a companion, rituals as a guide, self trust as the foundation.
I let these rituals bring me hope, solace, light to take the next step, but I don’t let them hold the heart of my power.
In the end, I must translate the message.
In the end, I must trust myself.
The greatest guides, teachers, mentors, healers… are the one’s that lead us back to ourselves. Nature, spirituality, god, our ancestors and spirit guides- they want to lead us back to ourselves, too.
Yes, we need guides, we need teachers and community and to turn to others strengths where our weaknesses lie; interdependence, instead of co-dependence or hyper-independence. Simultaneously, the Truth has become a mainstream mantra for a reason - we have all we need inside us, at all times.
When I turn to my rituals and my guides and my anchors, I make sure it is to maintain my grasp on gratitude, on presence, on hope. It is to maintain my devotion to life. It is to remember to return, reconnect, recenter myself to myself. To the ineffable, omnipresent energy and knowing that lives within all of us.
Life can rock us to our knees, these rituals remind us to keep going, and going and going. Hope is the life saving elixir that picks me up time and again.
Nothing and no one is here to fix you, or solve you, or hand you the answers. All is here to guide you back to yourself, stronger, more grounded, more full of yourself.
On my walk with Theo this morning, as the crippling cold kept me in full presence of my surroundings, I saw an owl fly. One of the only movements in the stark stillness that only true cold can bring, Owl stole the show without demanding attention. Her broad chested white wing span camouflage, her movements done in silence, graceful. A stoic, floating through air.
My teachers recent words whispered to me - look for the messages in every thing and all moments.
What message is Owl delivering to me? I turned it over in my mind.
Later in the day, the topic of Owl came up again in a group container with this same teacher.
Then, the answer was clear.
The owl exists in the world unattached, yet completely connected. Immersed in the world, yet not enveloped by it. Leaving a profound impact on those who are open, aware, ready for its sage wisdom and essence of Truth. Unbothered by those who are unaware of its power or presence. The owl is in the world, of the world, but not lost in it. Its own entity. Something more. Something other. Never lost or found.
Navigating the skies through the whispers of the wind and the pull of the sea and the dance of the forest and the heat of the sun. And always, always, guided by its own inner compass.
All is within us. All outside us is here to return us within. Only we know the Truth for ourselves. When we can walk through the world connected to Truth, we can walk with our full presence, power, purpose.
This is the energy I yearn to devote myself to this new year. To choose the rituals that return me to myself deeper, and deeper still. And, most pressingly, to walk through the world with the intention to help others do the same. To not seek to fix or solve or even heal or guide, but to hold my hands out and my heart open and show up with presence. To reflect back to others who they are and turn them back towards themselves. To help us all excavate the excess and built up erosion and return to the Truth at our core.
A devotion, a prayer, a promise.
I sit with my book and let the pages fall open and trust myself to interpret and walk with the messages that land in my lap.